Wednesday, October 7, 2015

A New Day

Today is the first day of my new life.  I'm driving as far as Virginia today and have dinner with a friend at Virginia Tech, then I'll drive from there to Albany, New York, on Thursday.  I'll arrive in my new town on Friday and take possession of my new apartment.  The rest of this week is a transition but the new day has begun. 

Since this is a new beginning, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my blog title.  And while I have mulled over a number of suggestions, I've decided that at least for now, it will stay The Closet Professor.  As my friend of mine in marketing would say, it's my brand.  It is what people are familiar with and even though the web address wouldn't change, there would still be some ripple effect in changing it.  I chose The Closet Professor because I was a teacher and I was in the closet, but also because it gave the blog an LGBT qualifier in the name.  The LGBT part of the title is something that has always been very important to me, and I don't want to let that go. Even though I will no longer be teaching (though I'm still hoping I might be able to, at least some) and I will be out, The Closet Professor is a major part of who I am.  It's who I was and part of me will always be.  

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like today, October 7, 2015, is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's.

A new day has begun...

Tuesday, October 6, 2015


by Warren Hanson

This is the Beginning…
This is where it all will start,
on the Wings of some new Spirit with the Beat of some new Heart.

Every morning brings a Promise,
Every day has Gifts to give,
But Today…right now…This Minute….
is when I begin to Live.
And the air that I am breathing is the breeze of what could be,
as I stand here looking out on all the things that could be Me.
And the road that goes before me, leading somewhere out of sight,
is a brand new Opportunity for me to get it Right.
This is the Beginning. This is
Once Upon a Time….
There are dragons to be vanquished! There are castle walls to climb!
But this story isn’t written yet.
I’m only at page One.
The Adventure that’s awaiting me has only just Begun.
There are Mysteries and Treasurers.
There are daring deeds to do!
And if I speak the secret word, then all my Wishes will come true.
That Magic Word has powers that can make the heavens spin.
But it really is not Secret that the password is……”Begin!”
Oh the possibilities is this Beginning I have made!
I am Ready!…. but reluctant.
I am Excited!…. but afraid.

Afraid that starting something New leaves something Old behind.
Afraid that what I seek is something I may Never find.
Or, if I Find it, that it won’t be what I want at all.
That what I’ve left Behind is what I needed after all.

Beginning can be bittersweet, and hard to comprehend.
It can mean that some sweet, precious part of life is at an End.
And the Heart can feel so Hollow when it has to say Good-bye
that the thought of starting Over is too Hard to even try.

But when I reach the End, when all my days are nearly through,
I will Not want to look back on all the things I Didn’t do.
Nor regret the Joys and Passions of the me that Might have been,
if only I had found the simple Courage to Begin.
So…….This is the Beginning….
My Beginning……..My Rebirth.
I Awaken to the Wonder of what I am Really worth.
It is a Springtime for the Spirit, and it’s Giving me a Choice.
So I choose to Use this season as a reason to Rejoice!

I lift my voice in Sweet thanksgiving, singing Loud….and not alone.
A host of Harmonies accompanies my song of the unknown.
Loving Friends and willing Strangers, with their voices joining in,
create a chorus of Encouragement that begs me to Begin.

And the end?…..
It’s out there, Somewhere, farther than the heart can see.
And the Power that will take me there is Here, inside of me.
Though there is no way I can know how many trials I’ll endure,
nor the Joys that I may find,
there is One thing I know for sure…..

This is the Beginning…….

Warren Hanson is a gifted writer of books for children and adults alike. It's amazing how closely it aligns with what I am feeling today. I'm putting the final touches on packing, loading my car, and telling people goodbye. I’m heading north tomorrow morning. As the poem says, “I am Ready!…. but reluctant. I am Excited!…. but afraid.” It's so true that “Beginning can be bittersweet, and hard to comprehend.” It can be a bit overwhelming at times. This is a new adventure and a new job far away from home. I don't know what the future will hold, but I look forward to getting settled and getting to work. This is the Beginning…….

Monday, October 5, 2015

Man's Best Friend

I saw this on Wicked Gay Blog (one of my favorite blogs, so much interesting stuff) and had to share it.  You can read it at the source at: or you can read it below.  I found it kind of interesting.

Man’s Best Friend

By Lawrence Pfeil, Jr.

Whoever called the dog, “man’s best friend” obviously never had a penis (aka dick, cock, pecker, wiener, joystick, schlong, man meat, tally whacker, John Thomas, and/or Schwanzstucker) because men embrace theirs from the get-go. Ultrasounds have shown male fetuses in the last trimester with in utero erections and tiny hands clutching on. By the time “the boys” drop around age 12 or 13 and the package is complete; and the once friendship has grown into a lifetime obsession filled with prowess and pride, comparisons, and above all pleasure.

But what do we really know about every man’s penile pal?

Let’s start at the beginning, which usually depends on your perspective i.e., if it’s your tool or someone else’s, but in this case the word itself. Penis, typically referring to the shaft, is Latin for “tail,” while testes (aka nads, balls, plumbs, rocks, and/or bollox) share the Latin root for “witness” which according to Dr. Steven Lamm, MD’s book. The Hardness Factor comes from the Roman law practice of a man holding his junk while “testifying” in court. (Or possibly it was just a way of distracting opposing counsel millennia before “Basic Instinct,” but the jury is still out.)

Dr. Lamm also cites the men of Australia’s Walibri tribe who greet each other, by shaking Johnsons instead of hands. Apparently it’s not just gay men in America who enjoy this custom. Men the world over, whether ancient or modern, developed or primitive, all value taking matters into their own hands.

As for the actual nuts and bolt, everyone “says” size isn’t important, unless of course you’re walking around naked in the locker room at the gym. FYI… gymnasium comes from the Greek word “gymnazo” meaning “to exercise naked” (yet another reason to go Greek).

For most men, their left gonad hangs lower than the other. But in approximately 10% of men, the right one hangs lower, because they’re left-handed. Seriously, it’s a proven fact. But do the research, and if they’re wrong, it won’t be a waste of time finding out.

It has been said, “God’s only design flaw in man is that He gave him two heads but only enough blood to use one or the other, but not both at the same time.” It’s hard to argue with that. Considering the average erection only requires about two to three tablespoons of blood, it doesn’t say much for the brain activity of most men when it’s channeled to the other head either.

As for length, width, girth, circumference, cut/uncut, ethnic stereotypes, and grow-ers vs show-ers, no study, statistics, or evidence is going to change the perceptions and preferences of anyone. He’s your best friend who has been with you since the beginning and will be with you till the end. Who else can you say that about? So like anyone with you through thick and thin, you love him for his strengths as well as whatever his shortcomings may be because he is yours.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Trust in the Lord

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine, and we were discussing something that he has been wrestling with for years. He said that once he decided that it was inevitable at some point in the future that he didn't wrestle with it in his mind anymore. I have often wrestled with the same issue. I am not here to discuss the issue at hand, that's not what this is about. When he said he decided that it was inevitable and would one day happen, I told him that I knew he was wrong. I told him that I'd worried and contemplated on the same thing for many years. I came to a very different decision than my friend. I told him that once I put my faith in God, once I trusted God with all my heart, and once I quit relying on my own fears and worries, I think about that issue much less. It doesn't mean that the voice in my head that tells me things contrary to God is completely silent now, but it does mean that my faith can shut that voice up.

The point is that if we acknowledge God as our guide, then he will not guide us wrong. We have to put our full faith and trust in God, and He will protect us and show us the way. If we rely on our own insights, then we will get lost. God is our compass, but if we don't use Him and trust Him, then we will lose our way. We also must understand that each of us matters to God. I believe that we are important to God no matter how we see our relationship with Him. As 1 John 4:8 says, “God is love,” and in verse 12, we are told, “If we love one another, God lives in us, and His love is perfected in us.” If God lives in us, then we are significant to God. He not only will not forsake us, but He will love us, guide us, and protect us.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Moment of Zen: My Readers

From the day I first told all of you about the loss of my job and every day since, all of you have shown such love and support.  From your comments and your emails of comfort to your comments and emails of congratulations, each of you have been very special to me.  Thank you for your compassion.  You lifted me on my darkest days, and you have rejoiced with me in triumph. You have supplied much needed help and support as well as advice.  Thank you!

Friday, October 2, 2015

The Girls



I've had the "girls" nearly a year now.  Tuesday will be a year since I adopted them.  They've grown so much and Edith (black calico) is continuing to grow.  Her particular breed (she's a dessert lynx mix) usually doesn't stop growing until they are two years old, while most domestic shorthair, like Lucy, usually stop after a year.  I think that Lucy (gray calico) is as big as she will get.  I'd originally planned to fly Edith back with me at Christmas.  It would have been a shorter trip and easier on her.  However, the apartment that I found does not allow pets.  This apartment will do for at least six months, and then I can start looking for something that will allow pets.  Regardless, Lucy will probably stay with my aunt who she likes more than me anyway.  Lucy is a bit of a scaredy cat.  She runs and hides from almost everyone.  Edith on the other hand demands everyone's attention, usually in hopes that they will give her food.  She likes to sit on my shoulders (and sometimes my head) as I have my morning coffee.

If HRH was still alive, I wouldn't have stopped until I found a place that allowed cats, but these girls have been around my aunt enough to be comfortable with her and quite honestly might just prefer her. I will miss them terribly, but for now, this is the choice I had to make.  I know they have a good home and will be well taken care of.  I will still miss them though, and they might miss me a little.  Lucy is completely indifferent to me, and Edith only thinks about food and playing.  So, it's quite possible that they won't miss me nearly as much as I will miss them.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Moving Preparations

I've been getting things packed this week and ready to move.  I found an apartment and put down a security deposit.  It's a cute two story 1850s house split into four apartments.  It has beautiful hardwood floors, and I was lucky to find one in which all utilities are included.  It's a one bedroom apartment but has a good sized living room and kitchen.  I've only seen it in pictures, but I know it's the one I want.  It's in an excellent neighborhood and the price is good.  It's within walking distance of the museum, and on the same road if I choose to drive.  And when friends and family come to visit, there is a bed and breakfast located conveniently next door.  

Now that I have found a place to live, it's all about the packing.  Since I don't want to rent and drive a moving van and tow my car up there, I have decided to take as little as possible.  My parents had originally planned on going with me, but the timeframe changed and they will come up in a few weeks.  They will bring any nonessentials with them when they come.  I will pack clothes, a few appliances/electronics (tv, microwave, a few lamps, etc. that I will need), dishes, pots, and pans, some linens, books, and DVDs.  I have the furniture I want already picked out and ready to be delivered once I have possession of the apartment and an address.  Also, this way, I can buy what I need now and get the pieces I want later to add to the furnishings.  I do wish I could pack the guy sitting in the car in the above picture in my car.  He'd make a nice decoration for my new apartment.

So next week, I will be packing my car and getting ready to leave Wednesday morning to make the drive to Vermont over a couple of days.  I know I will stop and visit a friend of mine at Virginia Tech and spend the night there on Wednesday night.  I plan to spend a night somewhere on Thursday night maybe somewhere close to the New York-Vermont border (any suggestions) and then drive the rest Friday morning and get the keys and move into my new home.

So right now, that's the plan.  God willing, I will be in my new home on October 9.  So far, God has been pretty willing, I pray he continues to be and this is a smooth transition to a new home.